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Monday, January 6th, 2003
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i dont really have much to write.
i went back to school today, it was horrid being surrounded with people i hate. things improved though at 12 when we were all sent home as the electricity had broken down.
so i went to town and ate a sandwich from M&S with ellie by the grace of god in the cathedral grounds.
then i ordered my book from waterstones and we went home and watched my 'forever delayed' dvd untill she went home.
i have just done some more media coursework and dave came over to give me a guitar lesson. he had a great christmas and new years eve which pissed me off beause mine sucked and ergh. i think he must think im in need of help, due to some of the things i say to him :S.
anyways, i guess i'll try and get an early night tonight as i couldnt sleep last night, like really couldnt sleep, so i sat and listened to 'mellon collie and the infinate sadness' and 'generation terrorists'. then i read and wrote a fucked up story for english and still couldnt sleep. not sleeping is making me sick :\ ergh. hmph. *moan moan*
-shuts up-
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(1 Fuck | Rape Me)
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Monday, December 16th, 2002
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OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!! BILLY CORGAN!!! BILLY FUCKING CORGAN IN SHEPARDS BUSH!!!!! RIGHT NEXT TO MY GRANDPARENTS HOUSE <3 OOOOOOOOOOOOH!!! I HAVE TO GO. MUST MUST.
ZWAN
Shepherds Bush Empire, London WED 12 February 2003
fuck.
i have to go.
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(7 Fucks | Rape Me)
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Thursday, November 28th, 2002
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this is just wrong
but doesnt wiley just look beautful and mushroom like <3??
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(Rape Me)
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Thursday, November 21st, 2002
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Monday, November 18th, 2002
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rawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
what can i say??
today went to shepperton, to the studios where FAME ACADEMY is filmed.
we queued from 2 in the afternoon unill eight
it was a crisp coldish day.
after a bit of lunch at a pub called the crossroads [*starts to sing the shitty blazin crew/squad song*]
we drove to the studios.
i admit ifelt a little sad to relise that we were the first people to be waiting outside the big metal gates that were topped with barbed wire.
we decided to go and get some malbros and to walk down the 'hillock'. Wegot some malbros and decided that we couldnt be bothered to conquor the 'hillock' so we returned to the studios to find abut 6 people had arrived.
we waited and waited.
time dragged by so slowly and we all grew cold and desperate for a pee.
we waited some more and it grew dark and more and more people arrived.
the crowds had grown rather large and some girls across the street were chanting their love for ainsle. like erm, he is wayyyyyy to good for them ugly fucks.
then a camera crew appeared. they filmed the stupid girls.
me and ellie decided to show off her banner which read YE CANNAE BEAT THE AINSLIE BANTER
the film crew came over and filmed us.
a scottish man asked us lots of questions.
why we watch fame academy, who would win, whowe liked most, who should stay tonight. we answered them all and then started to explain why ainslie is perfect and i went into a detailed description of his hips and hen we both rambled on about how this was all down to the fact that he is scottish. upon this point we called him a scottish scraggle and hot piece of meat :S
i also remember talking about how he is wasted on fame academy and how he should front an indie band and be like roddy woomble :S
they then asked us to supply our names and adresses so that they could get parental permission to use the footage for the fame academy video, due to be released for christmas. i mean fucking hell, i CANNAE be on there talking about my strange attraction to scottish men :s oh and also ellie added how nigel was a 'big fat biffa' and should be kicked out :S:S:S
so after a lot more waiting we were hurded into a marquee. where we waited for another hour and demanded to be in standing.
when we got into the studios we ran straight to the side of the bit where those singing for survival sing. the guy asked us to move to the front and we said no and smiled sweetly :D
i was then aware of how tiny the studio is, its like very small.
we had a rehersal of how to scream and cheer :S
then i saw that hot presenter from BBC choice <3<3 the irish camp one <3 this excited me.
after waiting for ever the program started and WOW/
i was amazed.
i saw ainlie take his seat and creamed.
how hot did he look>???
those clothes, a black jacket, a black belly top kinda thing, that loose black tie/scarfand those trousers that hung on those perfect hips and that make up <3 rawr.
we screamed his name in true tiny bopper stylee and he smiled and waved.
the show began and erm nigel = *yawn*
was rather unimpressed with katie.
then mally <3 he was amazing, that song and him together = perfect. he also looked really nice. i couldnt stop smiling and kept looking at ainslie who seemed so pleased with his friend.
malachi thanked the audience and walked off to cat dealy (she was rubbing his back!!!) i couldnt really hear what was sai, but we cheered and booed and then i think david ? took to the stage.
he looked wonderful, he had chucks on with a suit and a loose tie <3 he sung so sweetly and then stood in front of me, bent down and sang straight to me and ellie. he looked me directly in the eyes and i smiled and he smiled back with a big chessey grin and yes his teeth are lickable. ;)
when he finsihed we screamed so loud that i thought my voice had gone :S
YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!
i became even more excited, if that was possible?
then lemar sang.
i dont mind him, but when you have a bunch of peroxide blondes standing around yous creaming 'LEMAR LEMAR I WANT YOUR BABIESSSSSSS' it kinda ruins the performance.
so he did okay BUT next up was:
AINSLIE.
i cant even describe it.
he looked beautiful, he sounded beautiful and the way he moved and placed the mic pole inbetween his legs<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
he is perfect.
i cant think of anything that would make that guy more attractive.
and then tht carrie woman slags him off!! like wTF.
i think she needs help.
last up was sinade [sp?]
she was also really good and i thought she also looked good.
but yes.
it was really nerve racking watching who would get kicked off but thankfully it was nigel :D
david on probation, erm?????? WHY???
and then it was over.
all those hours and that was it.
the students then walked down the stage and past us. lemar bent down and grabed our hands.
the ainslie came along.
me and ellie shouted his name.
he came over and went to touch us and then stood back and said 'TOUCH ME' so we did :D instinctivley we each grabed a leg and ran our hands up them! he giggled with that cute acent and grabed/shook our hands. he then sad hey...etc and said, i gott go. we still hand go of his legs :S
but rawr.
he went.
and he is just too yummy.
beautiful <3
so that was my night.
and now im here, back in chichester, waiting for another morning and another day of school. :(
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(1 Fuck | Rape Me)
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Friday, November 15th, 2002
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| Time: | 7:45 pm. |
| Mood: |  blah. | | Music: | qotsa on totp. |
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watching totp.
qotsa are due to be on <3
school today = poop.
although being mean to louise was very fun.
:D:D:D:D:D
i have already started drinking and its not yet eight :(
im not gonna drink too much tho, just this one or perhaps two.
chris is due to be coming over in about half hour, so yep, that should be cool, i hope.
tora just asked me if hes still with char. and i dont even fucking know.
'it doesnt bother me if he is' i say.
i dont want it to bother me, but i guess it does. i know inside hes kinda using me, tho im not really sure for what purpose. but ergh. dont you just hate this?
im B O R E D.
GO WATCH CHILDREN IN NEED, FAME ACADEMY WILL BE N <3
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(Rape Me)
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Thursday, November 14th, 2002
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| Time: | 8:02 pm. |
| Mood: | blank. | | Music: | eminem - just dont give a fuck. |
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i feel a bit bad. :\
everyone is seems to ba at the 6th form open evening and here i am sat at my puter.
i just couldnt be bothered so i sat and watched fame academy and then the run up to the MTV europe awards.
first off marilyn was on it, he seemed sooooooo uninterested it was quite amusing. then next up was pink and she looked all pretty. then i caught a glimpse of a blonde scraggle on the sofa. i screamed. there on the sofa with the dumb bitch presenting were le foos :D
they ALL looked rawr!!!!! and they made me laugh, dave hasd this really weird funny look in his eyes and tay looked yummy.
then tatu preformed <3<3 hahahahah they started to kiss mid song, this amused me greatly.
so yep ive taped it, so if you missed the foos beans, then i have it on tape.
mum is screaming at me again, because my room isnt spotless. its getting to me. my brother does nothing, but she never says a thing. but she gets so agrissive towards me.
i hate her.
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(3 Fucks | Rape Me)
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Wednesday, November 13th, 2002
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Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul...
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land.
Now I understand
What you tried to say, to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free:
They would not listen; they did not know how --
Perhaps they'll listen now.
Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue
Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.
Now I understand
What you tried to say, to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free:
They would not listen; they did not know how--
Perhaps they'll listen now.
For they could not love you
But still, your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do--
But I could've told you, Vincent:
This world was never meant
For one as beautiful as you.
Starry, Starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget
Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn, a bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.
Now I think I know
What you tried to say, to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free:
They would not listen; they're not listening still--
Perhaps they never will.
Don McLean
- vincent
i dont htink i can say much about this song. but if you've never heard it then download it, its amazing. i have a feeling its about vincent van gogh, well according to one site. Malachi from fame acadmey is singing it on sunday and i swear i will be reduced to tears. when i heard him practicing tonight i cried. i didnt relise this, an old favourite of dads, was what he was singing.
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(2 Fucks | Rape Me)
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Tuesday, November 12th, 2002
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| Time: | 8:04 am. |
| Mood: |  pissed off. |
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i hate them.
this morning my dad decides to tell me im not aloud to go to chris's house after school :\
he says he wont pick me up anyway so it doesnt matter.
but it does matter.
this highly unfair.
i said i'd get the train but they wont let me on my own.
the only problem is ive told him that i am going and sais that ill meet him at the station so now after school i have to walk all the way to the station and tell him i cant come over. oh i cant wait to look like a stupid retarded fuck.
im considering just going.
but perhaps it will just cause more trouble.
i just want to run.
run away from the noise.
run away from it all.
and not stop and look back till ive gone to far.
and
then it would be over?
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(Rape Me)
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Saturday, November 9th, 2002
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i feel sick.
today i went into town and met chris at the station.
he was already there, sitting on the wall smoking. as i approached he got up and when i stood in front of him he hugged me tightly and said 'oh god i havent seen you for ages'
we went to buy vinyls, i bought the hokey cokey song by the snowmen <3 its like this PD sounding man growling out a little kids song <3.
then we went to thrift stores and chris got a really cool blue cord jacket. i got some malbros and magazines and then we sat in the cathedrals. we talked about crap and just sat laughing. he fiddled with my hair and i fiddled with his :( he wore the most sweet cardigan and *sighs*
so then we went back to my house :\
on our way there i looked up.
he was talking to me, looking at me.
my stomach turned as i relised who was in front of me.
it was his gf. :(
she gave me a foul look :\ ah well.
and he looked up, waved and they spoke.
i walked off, i couldnt bare it.
i stood at the otherside of the road, they hugged.
i looked at the floor and scuffed my shoes along the pavement.
her and her friend kept giving me glares.
then chris crossed over and asked me if i was ok.
'yes'
was all i said.
we walked home in silence.
once we were at mine things were better. we messed about, listend to our vinyls and he played some vex red stuff on guitar and wrote the tabs out for me.
then we went down stairs and watched queen of the damned.
discussed sum 41 as they were on tv and then he played guitar more while i got my stuff for ellies house ready.
on th eway to ellies we dropped him off at the station, he got out of the car and said goodbye to me and walked off.
then he looked back and smiled at me.
i crumbled.
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(9 Fucks | Rape Me)
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Friday, November 8th, 2002
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| Time: | 2:55 pm. |
| Mood: | intruiged. | | Music: | holly trying to crack the site ;P. |
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http://www.8march2003.com
please read this site, it is highly weird, amusing and cleaver. im not too sure what the fuck they are talking about, but the site is cleaver and captures intrigue. If anyone does know what they are going on about please share. im guessing its a moive realese or something??? but the text has these really weird bits like 'read between the lines'.
although im not sure i belive this person has amazing goverment secret to disclove but yes the sites interesting.
hollys now repeating the work BOOK rather loudly and has just searched the various bold letters from the site, which have led her to book, sold on a fetish sex site. now i really am intrigued, perhaps this is the launch of a huge free porn site?? and holly is very happy with her discovery......THAT IS ALL.
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(2 Fucks | Rape Me)
| Time: | 2:12 pm. |
| Mood: |  weird. | | Music: | hollys ickle voice <3. |
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lauryn is sitting at school in the computer room.
suprise, suprise.
she is bored and attacking randoms on the mtv2 boards.
a young lady called holymuff is sitting next to her and correcting her many spelling mistakes.
after school lauryn shall be walking in the rain avec the elliebean to the IT rooms at main school and there she shall proceed to complete her IT web design coursework.
later this evening ahe will be sat infront of a tv watching fame academy and creamy her ickle panties over the hot piece of scotish meat that is ainslie.
lauryn and hollys current amusing scientific opinion find on climate change is:
'Advantages of climate change'
'May increase our awarness of our enviorment'
'Disadvantages of climate change'
'will lead to death and misery on a grand scale.'
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(1 Fuck | Rape Me)
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Thursday, November 7th, 2002
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i didnt go to school today.
i was woken up at 7.30 (after going to bed at 2am :\) and sat and cried on the sofa for half an hour, i feel emotionly and physically exhausted.
my dad just sat there watching me and i couldnt stop crying. he got really concerned and asked if i would talk to him.
i didnt want to.
i felt weak to be crying.
what was i crying over??
some where inside i knew the answer.
but it was hurting to search for it.
he made me.
we went throught the things that could be on my mind.
top of his list were:
.drugs
.drink
.boys
.friends
.school
i assured him i have no problems with any form of substance, i told him i dont no any boys so theres no problem there and as for my friends, well as far as im concerend i may piss them off just about everyday of my life, but i dont think theres a problem.
so it just left school.
i cant deal with it.
the preasure.
the deadlins.
'i want this coursework in next week' - one teacher
'i want this in at the end of the week' - second teacher
'i want this is next week/tomorrow' - third teacher.
its all that they say.
i cant do it.
i can not get all the work complete.
ive done most of it, but i still have a piece of geog work due in tomorrow worth 25% of my entire course!
ive been up all night doing it.
i spent 4pm-11.30pm tuesday night doing it
4pm-1.30am last night doing it
and it isnt even nearly finished.
i havent slept
i havent eaten properly and im exhusted.
i cant sleep at night and so i find myself with under 6 hours sleep a night.
last night as i lay in bed and closed my eyes, morrisseys voice soothed me some what and i just cried.
but i couldnt sleep.
i dont want to fail.
but passing seems so hard.
i want to give up.
i really do.
so dad hugged me, gave me a few stern words and told me to take today off, do my work and try and get some sleep. he also said if i still find it hard to sleep after ive handed in the work, he will take me to the doctors. we then went to walk my dog.
and now im back here.
where i started.
trying to work
but FAILING
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(1 Fuck | Rape Me)
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Sunday, November 3rd, 2002
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FAIRY TALE  nce upon a time there has a young STRIPPER named ZANE LOWE. He was RAPIDLY FUCKING in the SWEET forest when he met PRETTY MARK LANEGAN, a run-away PROFESSIONAL PD from the BEAUTIFUL Queen COURTNEY.
ZANE LOWE could see that PRETTY MARK LANEGAN was hungry so he reached into his PLASTIC BOX and give him his FLUFFY POPCORN. PRETTY MARK LANEGAN was thankful for ZANE LOWE's POPCORN, so he told ZANE LOWE a very CREAMY story about Queen COURTNEY's daughter ELLIE . How her mother, the BEAUTIFUL Queen COURTNEY, kept her locked away in a WOODEN SHACK protected by a gigantic FLIPPER BABY, because ELLIE was so TASTY. ZANE LOWE RAN. He vowed to PRETTY MARK LANEGAN the PROFESSIONAL PD that he would save the TASTY ELLIE . He would FUCK the FLIPPER BABY, and take ELLIE far away from her eveil mother, the BEAUTIFUL Queen COURTNEY, and LICK her. Then, all of the sudden, there was a YUMMY PEE and PRETTY MARK LANEGAN the PROFESSIONAL PD began to laugh. With a puff of smoke he turned into the gigantic FLIPPER BABY from his story. BEAUTIFUL Queen COURTNEY LICKED out from behind a HANGING TREE and struck ZANE LOWE dead. In the far off WOODEN SHACK you could hear a QOTSA CD. THE END. Make your own Fairy Tale at fuali.com
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(Rape Me)
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Saturday, November 2nd, 2002
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IM FEELIN THE LOVINNNNNNNNNNNN
oh yes.
eveyrone needs some mark lanegan loving.
for he is a beautiful man.
with a beautiful growling PD voice.
and just amazing.
i am going on a hunt in helter skelter for everythiung mark lanegan/screaming trees.
oooooooooh yes.
get the loving.
we will make millions and billions of babies and they will all growl with gruff smokers voices and wear checkered flannel shirts straight from chubby tubbies and and and they will live ion scotland.
oh yes.
down with the loving.
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(Rape Me)
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today was spent avec te mother changing around my room.
and
i must say im very pleased with it now :d
so yes im feeling the lovin.
the troy lovin.
the mark lovin.
the josh lovin
and
the nick lovin.
the original PD patrol.
oh yes.
everyone is going out tonight.
this leave me at home all alone.
all night.
so i shall just sit here and hope that no one breaks in and eats me.
im bored.
and
i feel
socialble.
but
i
have no money
so i cant go out.
hmphhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
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(1 Fuck | Rape Me)
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Friday, November 1st, 2002
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right so erm.........
i just got back from seeing queens of the stone age at southampton guildhall and fucking wow!!! it was sooooooooooooooooo amazing.
me and ellie left at 3 and got there by about 4ish i think maybe a little before.
we met some cunt bois who thought of us as foo tards, but hadnt even see queens before. yuk.
we sat down on the steps outside the venue and only just had time to spark up a cigerette, when JOSH HOMME walked in front of us. ellie leaped up and attacked the beautiful ginger man and hugged him! we then had three pictures taken with him and he signed our tickets. he was so sweet, he wrote 'Happy Halloween, love josh' he also drew these three little lines :s. but um WOW!!! then other people attacked him and before he went i said ' i hear you give good hugs, can i have one please?' he said sure and opened up his long black coat and said 'hug me real tight' and so i put my arms around him in the inside of his coat and hugged him, iwas a little confuddled but i was just in shock.
we sat down some more and then i saw this little black haired scraggle<3 it was troy van leeuwen<3 <3 <3 he looks even more beautiful in the flesh then on TV. so i proceed to say'troy' a few times along with ellie and he laughed and said'ssshhhhhh' because no one elsse had regonised him and i dont htink he wanted to be attacked. so he signed our tickets andwe had pics with him and yum!!!
as if all this excitement was not enough, MARK LANEGAN<3 <3 <3 came out and went to the tour bus to gethis bag and can you belive thatNOBODYapart from me and the beans knew who he was???? sad fuckers. so he also signed our tickets and had a photo with us and then he said, 'its halloween and i came dressed up as an old man' and so i said 'i think you always look beautiful' and he said inhis most deppest, growlyvoice, 'why thankyou sweetheart' RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWR this excites me beoynd words.
i dont care how old that man may be, he is one hot piece of meatand his voice and YUM, just YUM.
eventually we were aloud in, ellie hid my camera in the crouch of her tights :D and we ran to the front and lached onto the barrier. :D :D :D
the support group were 'millionaire' and they were cool, you just couldnt take your eyes off of the lead singer as he was mad, soooooo mad. he was so funny, he wiggled like there was no tomorrow and he threw himself about and his mic and his guitars. he went through three guitars in the first three songs. but yes. he certainly has stage present and some of there stuff was real good.:D
after a long wait the lights again went out and the anticapation grew. then QOTSA took the stage. i cnateven put into words how absouloutly amazing they were. theyplayed song after song. and i just think that they have to be one of the bestlive bands in the world at the moment. they all came out in fancy dress and had silly string which they sprayed all over us. i took some pictures even thought your not aloud as the secruity were so cool. i particully thought troy looked the bestin his costume and face paints:D and so yes, mark lanegan joined them a bit through and sung, he did hangin trees, which i adore <3 he left stage too soon and they carried on. i was soooooo squished, it was the most roughest pit that i have ever been in and there wasnt even crowd surfing as its not aloud!!!! the secruity kept looking to pull me and ellie out but we refused, however the other few girls around us all got pulled out :D hahahahahah.i am now though battered and bruised but ohhhhhhh it was soooooo worth it.
the band went off then came back on and did two more songs then they came back on again and josh screamed into the mic 'its fucking halloween, the show only stops when i say' .
i looked up and across the stage and then i began to laugh. nick was walking over to his mic in front of me completely naked!! he just stroled along, with not a care in the world and then i relised why!! it was H U G E like knee length. it just hung there and swung from side to side. even the secruity men were vey impressed. he also has the cuteste little white batty!!
so yes what an evening and then to top it off ellie got one of nicks bass plecs and i got either josh or troys setlist.
so yeppers.
if i have learned anything other then the fact that QOTSA are the most amazing band live, its that the members of queens of the stone age make up the PDiddy patrol!!
so children watch out in case they come to a place near you!
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(5 Fucks | Rape Me)
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Wednesday, October 30th, 2002
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| Time: | 6:29 pm. |
| Mood: |  lonely. |
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please all take the time out of your busy lifes to sit and tune into ITV tonight at 11.35.
for there you shall see
'interview with the vampire'
(i always thought it was 'with A vampire, ah well)
*sighs*
so yes.
WATCH this film, or be sorry.
it rocks.
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(3 Fucks | Rape Me)
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glitterbutton's journal
tired.
indescribable.
amused.
